


FREDAG 21:32

by wyoheartsmusic



Series: Butterfly Effect [3]
Category: SKAM (Norway)
Genre: Ableist Language, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, But different, Even runs away from the truth, M/M, Mentions of Mental Illness, Miscommunication, The Friday before the hiatus, basically Isak is still thinking the same he thought in the locker room scene
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-01
Updated: 2018-04-19
Packaged: 2019-04-16 23:37:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,971
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14175831
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wyoheartsmusic/pseuds/wyoheartsmusic
Summary: Isak is pre-gaming with the boys but then ditches them to get answers from Even.Or: It’s Friday, 04.11.16, 21:32 and some things are the same while others are a little different.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So I saw [this](http://julian-dahl.tumblr.com/post/172486485698/evens5main-the-hoodie-bonus) gif set and somehow I got inspired for this fic, don't ask me how - and honestly I'm not going to question this bout of inspiration when I've been so blocked lately. So yeah, another glimpse at what might have happened in another parallel universe.
> 
> I hope you like it <3

They were at Jonas’, pregaming like they usually did on Fridays even though they didn’t have concrete plans for a party. Usually they always ended up finding a party to crash. And usually Isak didn’t at all care for it.

And he cared even less today.

He felt like he was in a bubble, Magnus ranting about some hookup or whatever that might or might not be true sounded like he was miles away. Isak just stared straight ahead blankly, every now and then sipping on his vodka red bull without tasting anything.

In his mind, memories of lips and smiles and _softness_ flashed and the lump in his throat grew heavier.

Isak couldn’t stop thinking about that stupid Halloween party they never went to. Of Even’s ridiculous wig and God costume, of how they had left Sonja and Emma behind and had found that stupid pool and then Even’s lips on his, their joking. Even’s lips. Lips, lips, lips, lips. _Lips_ , Even’s fucking lips. Isak gritted his teeth, emptied his drink, refilling it, as he breathed heavily through his nose.

They had been dripping wet on the way back to kollektivet but they had been happy. They hadn’t been able to stop smiling, laughing, kissing. And Isak had never felt anything like this and he never wanted to feel anything else but _that_. But here he was now, only a week later and he felt as hopeless as ever.

If he closed his eyes, he could still feel Even’s hands on him, soft and encouraging, Even’s lips— 

Isak shook his head, he wouldn’t go down that route. He couldn’t. It would break him.

But Even had managed what Isak had thought no one ever could: he had made him feel free and real and _so fucking happy_.

That Saturday when they had hid away in Isak’s room, kissing, cuddling, talking about the universe. And Isak hadn’t known how he deserved something like this, couldn’t believe that there was something out there, maybe not the god his mother believed in, but something bigger for sure, that allowed him to have Even in his life.

Isak should have known there was a catch, should have known that the radio silence until Wednesday meant he didn’t deserve this after all. But then Even was there, all suave and pretty and smiling and _talking about being boyfriends_. And Even had kissed him. His lips, his goddamn lips felt so good and it felt like something great was starting between them and Isak hadn’t cared about the bell ringing and his classmates coming in. He wouldn’t have cared if they had seen them kissing, wouldn’t have cared if he had felt Even’s lips for a little longer.

The boys suddenly mentioned Emma and how Isak could get them into a party. Isak tried to focus but he didn’t see the point. He gave a half-hearted reply of, “She hates me now.” But the boys didn’t let it go, starting some annoying rap about the first year girl.

Isak just wanted Even and his perfect lips, pressing reassurances into his skin. _Fuck_.

“Stop, no,” Isak burst out, his vodka red bull sloshing over his hand and dripping on his jeans as he hastily stood up. “I can’t— I gotta—“ He furrowed his brow, already halfway to the door. “Kosegruppa,” He babbled mindlessly, “I got a thing— I forgot about. Baking. Bread. Spreading…” He trailed off as he darted out of the flat and was down the street, literally running to the tram stop.

Isak was jittery the whole tram ride, standing there and holding onto the pole, wondering if this was the one he had held onto when he and Even had met after school only two weeks ago; that sun-flooded, smiley afternoon that was everything to him.

His whole body was buzzing nervously when he left the tram and sprinted toward Even’s flat, ringing the doorbell frantically.

“Coming. I’m coming,” Said a female voice inside, laughter in her voice, “Someone’s eager.”

This was Sonja, wasn’t it? Fuck. _Fuckfuckfuck_. Of course Even wouldn’t leave his beautiful girlfriend for a boy— for _Isak_. He took a step back, ready to just bolt but then the door opened and Isak blinked owlishly at someone that _wasn’t_ Sonja.

“Hi,” She seemed just as surprised as Isak but there was a warm smile on his face, “You’re…”

“Isak,” He blurted, “Kosegruppa. Uh—“ He rambled, bringing up the same excuse, “Even and I are— a thing— for Kosegruppa. We’re a couple— thing—“

Her smile widened, and she finished Isak’s stuttering good-naturedly, “For Kosegruppa.”

“Yes,” Isak breathed, deflating.

She patted his arm. “I’m Even’s mum. Lydia. And I’m on my way,” She cleared her throat, “Somewhere. It was nice to meet you, Isak.” She squeezed past him and Isak took a perplexed step into the flat.

Absentmindedly, Isak called after her, “You forgot a coat, Lydia.” He grabbed a red one that seemed like it could belong to her and held it out to her.

She chuckled as she took the coat from him and then walked away.

Isak had lost the fire burning in his chest somewhere along that small exchange, but when he walked up to Even’s room and found him there in front of the mirror, fixing his hair, it all came back. “Why do you kiss me like you mean it just to drop me a couple days later?” He spat out, his gaze darting to the ground when Even turned around. If Isak looked at him, _his lips_ , he’d forget his anger. “You can’t—“ Isak heaved, something akin to a sob leaving his lips, “You can’t ask me to be your boyfriend and break up with me a day later. _Why_ —“ Isak cut himself off, pressing his fingers to his nose to stave off the tears that had kept building up ever since his fight with Eskild yesterday.

“Isak,” And _fuck_ , his voice. Even’s voice was soft and sweet and broken and— Isak just wanted to go back to the weekend when it had felt like nothing could hurt him. _Them_.

“What did I do wrong?” Isak whispered, and he hated how his voice gave out on the last word.

Even leapt forward, as if he wanted to scoop Isak up in his arms, but then he furrowed his brow, stopping mid-way. “You— I— we,” Even stuttered, “We wouldn’t work, Isak. You wouldn’t—“

Isak felt angry tears rolling down his cheeks. “Is this that cliche moment where you’ll be like ‘It’s not you, it’s me’? Because fuck, Even. Don’t you _fucking_ dare.”

Pressing the heels of his hands against his eyes, Even whispered, “You said some things… and I _didn’t_ say some things that just. It won’t work, Isak. I’m gonna do something that’ll make you hate me and I just— I can’t—“

“I could never hate you,” Isak replied just as quietly, crossing the distance between them. He didn’t touch Even but he stayed close. “Never.”

Even shook his head but didn’t meet Isak’s gaze. “You don’t know that.”

“How can I prove to you that I won’t if you push me away?” Isak pleaded.

Even took a step back but Isak instinctively reached out and grabbed his hand, lacing their fingers. “You said—“ But Even stopped talking again, trying to untangle himself from Isak’s grip.

Isak squeezed his hand before letting go. “What did I say, Even? Please help me out here, because I would never consciously say anything that could hurt you. I— you mean _a lot_ to me, Even.”

Even opened his mouth to reply but was interrupted by the doorbell instead. “Fuck,” He groaned. Without saying anything, he turned around and went to open the door and Isak could hear the quiet, “Hi Sonja.”

Her reply was inaudible to Isak over the rushing in his ears. So he had been right after all. Sonja was still Even’s girlfriend.

“…party. Isak is here and we—“

“Even, you came _crying_ to me—“

“Ssh, he might hear you.”

Isak felt sick. He had made Even cry. Whatever he had said, he had made _Even cry. Fuck_. He thought back to that conversation in the locker room, trying to recall everything he had said to Even. And then it dawned on him. The only thing that could have upset Even was the revelation that Isak’s mum was crazy and Even didn’t want to deal with that — which Isak understood because he couldn’t deal with it either — but maybe that also meant that Even still liked him enough to just _try_. If Isak could convince him that Marianne actually was out of Isak’s life and nothing Even had to worry about.

“I can figure it out by myself, Sonja. You should go now,” Isak heard Even say outside in the hallway and a moment later the sound of the door shutting.

Isak paced the room until Even came back, working out what he would say to him.

“Even, listen…” He started when Even came into the room, a determined look on his face. Isak didn’t have time to make sense of the situation before Even grabbed his face in his hands and pressed his lips against Isak’s.

Even broke away for a second to mumble, “Let’s not talk for a while, okay? Let’s not think about what anyone said or didn’t say, okay?”

Isak nodded because what else could he do if Even gave him such an easy out but then shook his head quickly after. And then Even kissed him again and Isak let him.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got so invested in the daily updates, that you'll get the second chapter I promised some of you for this since I seem to be quite invested in my Butterfly Effect series :D   
> Unfortunately, unless I get hit by a sudden wave of inspiration, this will be it with daily updates for a bit <3

**Lørdag 00:15**

**05.11.16**

“What are we, Even?” Isak whispered, eyelashes brushing against his cheeks as he dropped his gaze from Even’s face.

The movement of Even’s thumb against his cheek halted. “Do we need to define this?” He whispered, caressing Isak’s face again but his touch felt different now. A little more frantic maybe, worried. 

Isak felt a lump in his throat, the nervous energy returning. He worried his bottom lip between his teeth, refusing to pull away from Even despite everything in him screaming to do so. “This is all new to me,” Isak whispered, maybe he should start talking if Even refused to, “And I think some… _definition_ would really help me.”

Even kept quiet, not meeting his gaze.

“Is this about Sonja? Are you back together with her? Is that why she showed up here earlier?” Isak murmured and at the mentioning of her name, Even pulled away. It didn’t deter Isak to continue, “Even, I— you mean a lot to me but— cheating destroyed my best friends’ relationship and if that’s what’s happening here, I can’t do this anymore.”

Something flitted in Even’s eyes but before Isak could figure out what it was, Even grinned, scooting closer to Isak, pulling him in by the waist. “Babe, we’re naked and you want to talk about my ex-girlfriend? There’s a lot of other things we could be doing instead…” Even pressed his smile into Isak’s lips.

And Isak gave in because this was Even whose touches felt like he was protecting Isak from everything bad and whose kisses made Isak believe he would never stop. But that niggling thought remained: Even had made him feel like this before and had then broken up with him; he didn’t want to be strung along again. Didn’t think his heart could take it. Everything was fragile and Isak just wanted this one certainty. Isak pushed him away and sighed, “You can’t call me ‘babe’ and take even more of me before I know what the hell is going on between us.” He shouldn’t have given Even anything in the first place before he had gotten an answer. He knew guys who only took and took and took and then treated the other person like dirt — the Penetrators last year hadn’t even tried to hide that they were like that — and now it was time for Isak to find out if Even was just like that. He didn’t think he was — hoped desperately that he wasn’t — with the glimpses he had seen of him, the weekend they had spent together…

“Okay, I’m sorry,” Even whispered, sitting up in bed, “Don’t leave. Please.”

Isak nodded but got out of bed anyway to put on some clothes, feeling too exposed otherwise. He pulled on his boxershorts and Even’s shirt, throwing Even’s boxershorts at him when he asked for them. When he crawled back into bed, he demanded, “Now talk.”

Even hesitated, drawing patterns on the duvet and avoiding looking at Isak. His voice was small and quiet when he asked, “Can you tell me about your mother?”

Isak froze. So he had been right. It _was_ about her. He swallowed thickly, wanting to yell at Even that she wasn’t important but his mouth had a mind of its own it seemed. “She’s sick,” He started, bile rising in his throat, “She’s been for a while. Sometimes it’s better and sometimes it’s just— hell. It was hell last year. My dad left, he keeps doing that but my mother was so bad and suddenly I was alone with her, you know? Sixteen, supposed to care for my mentally ill mother? I—“ Isak’s breathing hitched and he felt a couple tears falling from his eyes, “I left her too. I just didn’t know what else to do. She didn’t even recognise me and she tried to hurt me. I was so scared.” He had to stop talking to take a deep breath, he’d never said anything of this out loud. Not to his father, not to Eskild, not even Jonas.

Even wrapped his arms around him. “I’m sorry,” He whispered, “You don’t have to keep talking. Just stop. I shouldn’t have asked.”

Isak shook his head against Even’s chest and pulled away, the words just kept bubbling out of him now. “Before I left, I tried to— I _begged_ her to _see_ me. I was still Isak, her son, but she wasn’t my mother anymore. She hurled a vase at me and I ran. I would have spent the night on the street because I was too embarrassed to show up at Jonas’ place but then this dude invited me to go to a party with him and I mean, it got me free drinks and before I knew it I was basically blackout drunk. I don’t remember much of that night, just that I woke up in Eskild’s bed and when he came into the room, I just burst into tears. Blablabla, he offered me to stay in the basement of the kollektiv and I didn’t have any other options so… that’s what I did. At some point Eskild went to my house to grab some of my stuff because I just _couldn’t_ go back there. I was so scared of what I’d find.”

“I didn’t know that,” Even croaked and he was crying as well.

Isak shrugged, wiping at his eyes. “No one knows the full story. No one knows that the last time I felt comfortable around my mother, when I’d still let her hug me, was maybe ten years ago. Now it’s just me being terrified that her touching me will trigger her or something and she throws things at me again. She refuses to get treatment so I— I just had to get her out of my life, you know?” He was full-on sobbing now but he didn’t have anything else to say anyway. He just wanted to sleep for a million years — with Even’s arms around him if he still wanted him even with a fucked up mother.

Even hugged him tighter. “I get it now,” He mumbled, “Why you said what you said on Wednesday. And I’m sorry I drew my own conclusions when there was so much more to it. I— I know what it’s like to live with someone who’s mentally ill and— I just want you to know it’s not always like that. Some— some people get the treatment they need and they can live normal lives and— _I_ can live a normal life.”

Isak wasn’t sure where he was going with this so he just said, “I’m glad you can.”

“Isak, I have to tell you something.”

There it was, now Even would gently let him down. And Isak couldn’t even blame him, he’d let _himself_ down if he could. “Okay,” He whispered, not trusting his voice to say anything else.

Even buried his face against Isak’s curls and it was so quiet in the room, only Even’s laboured and Isak’s hitching breaths audible.

“I’m bipolar.”

Isak’s world screeched to a halt. _Fuckfuckfuck_. He felt incredible sadness wash over him and he just wanted to hold Even and make sure that nothing would ever harm him. Not the outside world and not his brain. He couldn’t understand how they even got here, when Isak had been such a major dick. _I’m just better without mentally ill people in my life._ He had said that to Even. Fuck. Of course he’d run. It was a mystery how he had even let Isak close again. He couldn’t have his mother in his life but he wanted Even there every step of the way. He’d never wanted anyone as much as Even and he would never want anyone more. And he promised himself right then that he’d show Even as long as he let him, how much he meant to Isak and how sorry he was for ever making him think he was worthless. Isak knew it wasn’t always going to be easy but Even had said it himself, he got the treatment he needed. They could figure it out. Isak _wanted_ to figure it out. Minute for minute, they could do it.

Both of them were crying but Isak kissed Even and Even let him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you liked it, leave a comment or kudos or come talk to me on tumblr at julian-dahl
> 
> Also, if you have any ideas for scenes I should rewrite for the series, let me know here or on tumblr and I'll consider it <3

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know what you think in the comments and leave some kudos if you like. Or come say hi to me on tumblr at julian-dahl


End file.
